I'd' like to take just a second here to say welcome to "Video Games....out of context."
As we all know, taking something out of context is always funny. Sometimes it's because of something that's said; sometimes it's out of something seen; and sometimes it simply comes from an awkward silence.
In this case, it's both pictures and words:
This screen shot comes from a PS2 classic, Okami; it's a great game, and I highly recommend it. It also has one of my favorite moments of "out of context" in a game.
When Ubisoft took to the stage during last week's E3, they brought out their hype guy, Mr. Caffeine. A jackass of a host so annoying, so painful to listen to, I swear someone somewhere stabbed a kitten.
I commented on this personna host on Facebook while watching Ubisoft presentation, and eventually stated "There will be Youtube videos of this guy. I guarantee it."
And now, here they are. Oh dear gawd...
MR. CAFFEINE'S TIME MACHINE - DOODLEY
Ubisoft E3 2011 - Mr. Caffeine
E3 2011: Ubisoft's Mr. Caffeine (Jastuk55 short remix)
These are just a few of the videos out there, but I think these are enough to wreck your day.
(Thank you to those on YouTube for uploading these...special...videos.)
The following rant stemmed from an e-mail conversation between myself and a few friends. While my initial reaction towards the unveiling of the new Wii U was filled with excitement and "Oooos" and "Aaaaaas", it was a blinding excitement that I quickly wiped away after I had a few moments to really think about a few things. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts.
While my first reaction towards the Wii U and the controller was "Oh, that looks awesome", I've had some time to think about it and now I'm thinking,"Why the f!ck can't I just use a 3DS as a controller?! So far, with the exception of two shoulder buttons, they sound pretty damn similar!" Yeah, yeah - I'm certain that there are some tech-spec differences. But still - I'm certain Nintendo can stop jerking us around and make something simple for once. "Here's a console, and it's up to date with current tech. And here's the controller. No, ALL of the controller. We didn't strip the damn thing down and plan to sell you the rest of it over the next few years. It's all there." I mean honestly, if you ever sat down and figured the real cost of controller for the Wii, you'd probably crap yourself. I've discussed this before, but just in case you missed it: At first, it was just the Wiimote, chuck, and classic controller. For all three, it would cost you $80. Already more expensive than a controller for both the PS3 and the Xbox 360. Then they introduced the Wiimotion Plus, giving the true 1:1 response we should have gotten from DAY ONE!. Anyway, they introduced it, told us that future Wii games would need it (or best be experienced it), and charged us an extra $20. So now we were up to $100 for one controller set; a tad ridiculous. Yes, eventually the Wiimote and Wiimotion were integrated into one controller, but it took them...what...almost a year and a half to do it? But that still leaves us at $80 for one controller set. And I'm not going to even go into the other accessories for the Wii, such as the Balance Board, Zapper, and the various amounts of shitty snap-on peripherals that everyone and their creepy uncle made. A Wiimote "football attachment" to create the most realistic football experience ever? Or the "bowling ball attachment" to create the sensation of actually bowling? WTF? Now with the unveiling of the Wii U - just the controller mind you - I'm already thinking about how much the damn thing is going to cost. Yes, I'm not going to deny that the tech video had me in all sorts of "Ooooos" and "Aaahhhhs", but it's already losing it's glitter. I've taken off the shades, and I can see the reality of what it is, and what it may become. My thoughts - or predictions, if you will: at first it'll be cool, just as the Wii was. Granted, it'll introduce an entirely new way to play. And hell, I'll probably get wrapped up in all the renewed excitement and buy it myself. But over time, after the glow fades, people are going to discover the true cost of this thing. Not the console and controller package, but the cost of all the accessories and extra controllers. I've heard and read people call it "like an iPad". How much does an iPad cost? About $400 bucks? So what's the controller going to cost? $100? $150 *ulp* $200 each? Sounds llike a possibility. And that's where it's going to hit people. So what could save this thing from completely sucking? If a lot of the promises made at E3 today come true. And I don't mean just all the tech demos and concept snippets Nintendo put together to show what it "might" be able to do. I am also referring to the 3rd party developers, and the support they said they want to throw at the system. Perhaps I still have a bitter taste in my mouth after the Wii, and the overall poor quality of games and support from Nintendo towards hardcore gamers and longtime fans. Yes, there were a few gems floating in that huge pool of casual gaming bullshit. But they were so far and few, I tend to forgot about my Wii, except for when I watch Netflix. Nintendo said that the Wii U" stands for both the casual gamer and the hardcore - a system for everyone. I hope so. Because the concepts I saw today are in fact very cool. I'd just hate to see them squandered. Man, I hope I wasn't too harsh...
Falling under the category of "too much time on their hands," a handful of individuals over at gta4.net took it upon themselves to create the most amazing interactive map of a video game - ever - using Google Maps to do so.
Aside from item locations, stunt jumps, "flying rat" locations and other useful info, the map allows you to zoom in all the way down to street level and navigate around Liberty City via thousands of photos, just as you would using Google Maps to explore your own neighborhood, with the exception of that embarrassing photo of your neighbor walking around their yard in their tighty-whiteys.
Once again, it goes to show you that it just doesn't make sense to buy strategy guides anymore. Wait patiently long enough, and someone will come along and make an interactive map a thousand times more superior than any guide book can be. Or at the very least a hastily written guide that will save you from shelling out $20 bucks for the damn book.
Combining two things that I love - the Back to the Future trilogy andthe Legend of Zelda games, this fan-made film explains the Legend of Zelda timeline so well, I doubt Shigeru Miyamoto himself could do any better.
It's almost impossible to describe how much awesome oozes from this video. The Master Sword, Link and Ganon hurling lightening back and forth, the DeLorean, and a chalkboard with the most complicated timeline ever illustrated. "Epic", while cliche' in use, is probably the most appropriate.
Whu?
The only fault that I found with this video: by merely mentioning the CDi Zelda games, this video acknowledges their existence; they don't. Nintendo neither speaks of them or acknowledges them, nor should anyone else.
Anyone.
Try to discuss them with me, and I'll find a way to go back in time, date your Mom, ruin her for all other men, thus effectively erasing you from existence.
Now, I realize that this picture has been floating around out there for some time. In fact, I recall my initial reaction when I first saw the picture:
"Well that would be frickin' cool!"
However, with the relatively recent death of the music game genre, I don't think we'll be seeing this come to fruition any time soon. And with that death comes the sad realization that my aspirations to be as cool as "Weird Al" Yankovic will remain a fantasy.
Hothead Games recently released a teaser trailer for their upcoming third entry into the DeathSpank games. And with it, quite possibly the greatest sub-title for a game. Ever.
If you happened to have skipped over the previous two installments of the games (DeathSpank and the surprising 5-month later sequel Thongs of Virtue), you may want to scope them out. Especially if you happen to enjoy dungeon crawlers such as Diablo; the DeathSpank games are essentially hilarious send-ups of them.
You can grab a copy of both games via Xbox LIVE, PSN, or Steam. Sorry Wii fanboys, but there's just no love for you.
